she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
