It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
