Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize