I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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