new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
