I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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