Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
