i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I want a musical about memes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
