I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Vodka?
Forever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
pray to the hookup gods
They have beer where we have blood.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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