Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
