Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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