dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
