life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
