You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have demons in me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
