i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
