It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
