im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize