Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
