if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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