Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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