I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
