I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
