Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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