you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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