I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
