So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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