You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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