sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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