I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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