I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
