could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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