Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
