All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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