So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
