You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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