I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
