He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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