Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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