and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
