What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
