id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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