It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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