You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
