dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
