Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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