I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
