1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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