Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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