when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
