she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
