If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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