I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
