we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
