this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
