Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
