Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
