It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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