i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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