help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
