It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
