Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
