Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
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I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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