i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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