I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize