you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
