you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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