the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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