i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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