you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
