Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had to cum in my sink.
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